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Well, as if by some cruel twist of fate, or some sick sense of irony…

My stepfather had Pepper put down this afternoon.

He never told me any details because he knows how angry and upset I am with him, but he either finally found somewhere that would do a convenience euthanasia for him, or she’s sitting in a shelter somewhere waiting out her final 5 days before they kill her.

The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I’m angry, heartbroken, and been crying my eyes out all day. I really hate being consider “family” to a man who thinks that animals are just disposable possessions.

She got old, so he had her killed.

I guess living with a person like this man for most of my life has made me more of the compassionate animal lover that I am, and it’s why I’ve gotten so involved in rescue and whatnot. It can be hard sometimes when everything you believe in is continually criticized and shot down, but I persevere. I’ve seen first hand most of my life how cruel some people can be with their pets, how thoughtless and carelessly they can toss them aside…and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to help the ones fortunate to make it out alive and into new, caring homes.

I only wish I’d have been able to save her, too.

I grew up with Pepper (you can read my full introduction entry about her here. I was 6 years old, she was 6 weeks.  I’ll always remember the time when my stepbrother had first brought her home. She was so tiny and cute. As she got  a little older, we had adopted a pot belly piglet named Wilbur, and she’d constantly try to chase him around the yard, and her little puppy nails scratched him up quite a bit. Took some time before we were able to get her to calm down and stop pestering poor Wilbur. I think she just thought he was another puppy for a long time. Haha.

When she was about a year old, my stepbrother had moved out to live with his mother. She spent the next few years living with them in Perris, CA. But despite not living with us, she never forgot us. We went to pick up my stepsister Melissa one time and I asked to go see Pepper in the backyard. They said to be careful because she doesn’t like strangers. “Bah”, I thought. “I’m not a stranger.”

Sure enough, she never forgot me. We’d been seperated for a few years but one sniff and she was all licks and tail wagging.

I also remember when Melissa’s mom abandoned Pepper in that backyard. She moved out out her mobile home and couldn’t or wouldn’t take the dogs with her. She merely called us to say if we wanted her, to come get her before animal control did.

She must’ve been back there for days. There were two other dogs with her, no food, hardly any water. She was so skinny and neglected. Ever since then, she ate like it was her last meal. Scarfing it down as quickly as possible. For a long time she also drank large amounts of water, like she couldn’t get enough of it. She also became a resource guarder, not towards people, but the other dogs in the house. I think it’s because she had to fight for the food in that backyard with those two other dogs.

I also remember the time around 2000 or so…we were living in a five-plex apartment at the time. Mom had come home from the grocery store, and the dogs ran out to the car to greet her. When we came back in the house, we noticed Pepper was missing. Murph was there, but Pepper was nowhere to be found. We went out walking for a good 2-3 miles around the neighborhood, calling for her. We took Murph with us, telling him to “Find Pepper!” and thinking he was sniffing her out. But we couldn’t find her and just came back home. The next morning, one of our neighbors knocks on the door and asks us why our dog was in the car. We had a Ford Escort. Apparently when mom came home with the groceries, Pepper hopped into the car through the trunk and into the backseat and nobody saw her, and shut the trunk trunk. She’d never left. She just got locked in the car, and spent the whole night in there, oh so happy to get out.

When she was young, she had really bad separation anxiety. There were many times at that apartment that my parents would leave her in the small backyard when we’d leave home because she’d tear up things in the house. We would continually come home to no Pepper in the backyard. She’d climb the fence and run around the neighborhood ’til we got back home. My stepdad decided to tie her up in the backyard instead, so should couldn’t climb the fence. When we got back home, there was a giant gaping hole dug out all around her. Like a miniature doggy bunker.

I also remember the times when I was a young teenager, and would have her come intimidate my would-be bullies and scary neighbors. We didn’t live in the nicest of areas in town, and nasty neighbors and their older kids would threaten to steal things from me or cause physical harm, etc…so I’d simply call my dog out. I knew she could hop the fence in the backyard, and there were times she’d fly out the screen door or screened windows if she thought I was in trouble. That was Pepper in a nutshell: Looks like an innocent Labrador, with the fierce protective loyalty on an Akita. If she was in the backyard and someone was harassing me, all I had to do was call her name and off she ran. It pretty much freaked out these two drug user teenage twin sisters who were heckling me for whatever reason I can’t remember anymore, when she came crashing through a loose fenceboard in the NEIGHBOR’S yard. There was a chainlink fence that separated our two backyards, with the perimeter fencing all wood boards. She apparently decided to go through the chainlink instead of trying the wood fencing in our yard and came waltzing out that loose fenceboard barking and growling, stopping at my side happily when my bullies fled away screaming how much they hated my dog.

Pepper kept our druggy neighbors from breaking into our house once, too. They decided it too risky to burglarize the house, and decided to go to the detached garage instead. They got caught when we noticed a table of ours sitting in their livingroom through an open window. When the cops questioned them about why they did it, they mentioned that they needed the money, but weren’t stupid enough to try anything with “that crazy dog in the house”.

Oh Pepper…you were so infamous in your youth! But every dog slows down eventually. It took you a while to finally realize that you weren’t a puppy anymore, but boy did you give ‘em hell ’til that day came.

I’m gonna miss you old lady. I love you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep you from the inevitable. I really hate him for taking you from me so soon. It wasn’t your time, and there was no excuse for it. Old age isn’t a disease, and you weren’t some retired guard dog of his to be tossed out like trash when you got old.

Part of me is happy, knowing that he can’t do anything to you anymore. Knowing that you’re free from him. But the other part of my is angry and heartbroken because you’re not here anymore. I wrote so much about you last night, and today you’re gone. It makes me sick to my stomach. I love you so much. I hope you’re up there with Murphy, the cockatiels, and our stray kitty friend Freeway. No matter what anybody says, you were a GREAT dog. Your love and loyalty will stay with me forever, and I’m so thankful to have spent 15 years of my life with you. We grew up together, you were one of my very best friends and like a little sister to me. I will never forget you. Rest in peace old lady. I love you.

~ by Kiyo on March 18, 2009.